When a Program Director Doesn't Direct Programs

Uncertain. Tumultuous. Standstill. Liberating. Whatever adjective is your go-to descriptor for the current climate brought on by COVID-19’s entry into our lives in mid-March I can certainly relate to it. Let me share with you a little bit of why that is...

When the coronavirus first made its appearance in the United States, I was happily sitting on a beach in Panama without a care in the world, loving every aspect of my life as LtN’s Panama Program Director. When COVID-19 hit the US, I was forced into considering one of the most challenging, heart-wrenching moral debates that I have encountered thus far in my life: to stay in Panama or to return to my US home and family. At that point, all I could think was that Bocas had become my home, its community my family and my work with LtN so much more than just “work.”

Two weeks later, Panama announced that it would be closing its borders to all commercial travel. So, armed with a return flight to Bocas at the end of May, I found myself on a plane headed back stateside. 

When I landed, I was united with my family along with a flood of unexpected and unknown. Not only had COVID-19 sent me away from the people and the programs that I had dedicated myself to for nearly a year, it had altered my role within LtN as well. How could I be an influential member of our team if I couldn’t run our programs in Panama?

Over the past four and a half months (and a cancelled May return flight), I have had the privilege of finding a very profound answer to this question… well several answers to be exact. 

On the macro-level, I have had the opportunity to dig into more facets of Lacrosse the Nations with tasks that hadn’t previously fallen within my PD purview. On the micro-level, I have created professional development tools for our international coaches, dived into the nitty gritty of donor relations and data entry, and learned what really lies behind managing websites and analyzing their traffic. I have helped evaluate what matters most in our programs and established with coworkers how we can best prioritize our goals.

I have found myself connecting more with our mission and the people that tirelessly work to achieve it than I had while I was on the ground. 

Taking a step back now, the adjectives I would use to describe “quarantimes” for me are surprising and enlightening. The virus that I thought had completely upended a years’ worth of hard work and uprooted me from a life full of freedom, self-discovery and gratitude on an island in Panama has actually opened my eyes to more confidence, joy and connection than I had ever imagined. For that, I am grateful.

-Maria McDonough, Program Director

LtN Impact: Physical Limitations Can't Limit Eybar

LtN Impact: Physical Limitations Can’t Limit Eybar

Bocas del Toro, Panama

Eybar arrived to the Bocas Community Center where we hold practices one afternoon in November with his brother. It was during a group trip, and I was sitting on the porch of the community center with Karen (one of our volunteers visiting with the group).  Karen noticed Eybar eagerly watching everyone play pick up before practice, so she asked him if he was interested in playing. Eybar shook his head “no”.

Polaroid photos of Caroline, Karen, and Eybar on Eybar’s first day of lacrosse in Bocas del Toro.

I should probably mention before moving forward with my story that Eybar has physical limitations, but by no means do they limit him. Eybar uses a wheelchair.

Not being able to communicate in Spanish, Karen used creativity to express a powerful message to Eybar. She pulled up a video from youtube of wheelchair lacrosse and we asked if he would watch with us. Eybar began watching the video and his eyes lit up with excitement.  He became so engrossed in the video that he leaned over to get closer to the screen and almost fell into Karen’s lap. Seeing the enormous smile on Eybar’s face almost brought tears to my eyes, I had never seen someone become so empowered by something.

After watching the video, we asked Eybar again if he wanted to play.  This time he responded by immediately reaching for my stick. I put him in his wheelchair and took him out to the beach so he could experience the new game he just discovered.

We started out with everyone’s favorite drill, steal the bacon. At first, Eybar asked me if I would wheel him around. I gladly accepted his request and when his number was called, I would wheel him out to go after the ball. His determination was striking.  I could not keep up. He was so fierce, constantly wanting to attack and go after the ball. After that drill my face hurt from smiling and laughing so hard. It was such a joy seeing Eybar having what seemed like the time of his life. It didn’t take long until he took the field on his own.

“After a water break, I asked if he wanted to play in the scrimmage. He replied that he wanted to sit out for a little. Only five minutes later came the most powerful moment I may have witnessed.”

Eybar - AKA the Ninja in Goal.

After a water break, Eybar was watching the scrimmage from the sideline when I noticed his face overcome with this determined look.  He slowly removed himself from his wheelchair and grabbed a stick from the bag. He was heading to the field. You could see it in his eyes, he was not stopping until he got to our 3x practice goal. When he arrived at the cage, he positioned himself in front of the net, declaring himself the designated goalie for the rest of practice. Every time someone came up with the ball he immediately shouted, demanding the ball in his stick. He would dive to save shots, eager to get the ball any point it was remotely close to him. This kid was a ninja.

After practice was over, I went to sit on the steps.  Eybar came over with an orange and sat next to me asking if I would like to share with him.  We sat on the steps for a couple minutes just talking and eating the orange, when suddenly I felt arms clench around my waist.  He leaned closer to my ear and said, “gracias”. I struggled to hold back tears.

This is a moment I will hold on to for the rest of my life. There were many factors that led to Eybar’s discovery that day, from our determined and caring volunteers to our supportive players who now call themselves Eybar’s teammates. If not for Karen’s brilliant idea, Eybar may have never included himself in practice that day.

Teammate and friend, Anthony, posing with Caroline and Eybar after practice.

Watching Eybar transform from a discouraged kid to a fearless warrior on the field reminded me of what this program means and why it started. Sure, the sport itself is fun. But, it is so much more than that. I love getting to teach lacrosse in a community that has no prior knowledge of what the sport is.  From my time here in Panama, I see examples of it every day. We use this sport to empower and motivate kids like Eybarto believe in themselves and build the confidence to try new things.

— Caroline Rath, LtN Panama Program Director